Center for Healthy Sex website:centerforhealthysex.com

Good sex lasts minutes, not hours!

How long do you think sex should last?

In a USA Today article, "A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life."

We are bombarded by stereotypes of what film makers and magazine editors think sex should look like.  On the other side of that is porn and all it's ideas about sex.  All of these forces can be shaming and diminishing and leave people unable to trust what is true for them.

If you worry about what "normal" is when it comes to your sex life, you might want to know that, according to Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Md., "most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

For the Science Daily article, click here:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080331145115.htm

To read the USA Today article, click below:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-04-02-sex-survey_N.htm?csp=34

When do you know if sex is a problem?

There are some heated debates over whether sex addiction exists or whether it's a strategy to turn sexual expression into something shameful, bad and downright wrong.  The people who don't believe in sex addiciton believe that the people who treat sex addiction are out to create profitable businesses.  The people who do believe that sex addiction is a real problem see the porn industry as the major profiteers. 

The anti-sex addiction people believe that the pro-sex addiction people are out to create a culture of fear.  They believe if the pro-sex addiction people succeed then sexual expression will be feared and the use of pornography, homosexual sex, premarital sex, and other sexual behaviors will be shut down.

Do you think that sex addiciton is real?  Or do you think it's a construction to make people scared; to give up pornography, pleasure and the right to sexual expression?

How do you know if you are a sexual free spirit or if sex is causing you problems? 

Please click the comment button below and let us know your thoughts on this topic.

Help for Low Sexual Desire

The article in the link below highlights the usefulness and importance of sex therapy for couples who lack desire for sex.  Lack of sexual desire can come as a result of emotional or physical problems between two people in a relationship.  Low sexual desire is often a natural part of being in a long-term relationship and a problem that can be fixed with the right help.

Whatever the reason, it's important to get beyond the embarassment of talking about sex and get the help you need.  Couples can suffer in silence due to years of sexual dissatisfaction which can cause unnecessary unhappiness and depression.

Don't despair, there are many trained sex therapist who can help you.  To find a therapist in your area go to www.aasect.org

Read this article for more information: http://www.thirdage.com/healthgate/files/14499.html

Female Sexual Dysfunction Alert

"The pharmaceutical industry wants women to think that sexual problems are simple and offers drugs as magic fixes. But positive sexual experiences require accurate, unbiased information.

FSD-Alert.org introduces an educational campaign that challenges the myths promoted by the pharmaceutical industry and calls for research on the many causes of women's sexual problems."

To read the rest of this article, go to http://www.fsd-alert.org/

Is sexual surrogacy for you?

Vena Blanchard has been a professional surrogate partner (and advocate for ethical surrogate practice) for the last 20 years. She is the current president of the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) and is also their senior trainer. She has written and spoken extensively about sex therapy, surrogate partner therapy, and the dynamics of sexuality and change.

You can read more about the work of a sexual surrogate to see if it's for you by going to the link below.  If you have any comments, please click the comment button below and let us know what you think.

http://www.sexuality.org/vena99.html

6 Steps to Orgasm

Do you struggle with having an orgasm? Are you worried that you won’t ever be able to achieve it? Try these simple steps devised by Deena Poll Goodman, PT and see what happens!

Improving Your Orgasm Potential:

1. Open mouth breathing technique

2. Release the pelvis

3. Gain Pelvic Floor Power: Sex-ercises

4. Apply and coordinate the pelvic release in sexual foreplay

5. Stretch legs, buttocks, and hips

6. Memorize: “breathe and have fun!”

The above steps are part of the Goodman physical therapy treatment protocol for women with anorgasmia, or the inability to achieve orgasm. This protocol is explained to every patient of Goodman’s; and each patient has a unique program specifically tailored for their symptoms. Women travel around the country to try this cutting-edge treatment approach to anorgasmia.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of decreased sensations during climax, or the inability to feel the pelvic floor muscles involuntarily pulsating during climax, then call Deena Poll Goodman, at 310-739-0042 for more information or to schedule an appointment or visit www.goodmanphysicaltherapy.com

© Deena Poll Goodman, PT, Goodman Physical Therapy 2006

Click the comment button below and let us know what you think.

What does sex mean to you?

Do you have a limited sexual repetoire with your partner?  Are you squemish about trying new things with your loved one?  Do you feel sexually bored?  You're not the only one.  Apparently, one in three Americans over-report the frequency in which they have sex. 

This is a tough topic because so MANY magazines, tv shows, books, videos, experts, etc. give us so many versions of what sex means.  But what does sex mean to you?  I tend to think that sex is really about the meaning we give it.  It can be erotic, sweet, fun, passionate, deeply loving or intense.  Any sex act can make you feel liberated, free and open or shamed, dirty or embarrassed depending on the meaning it has to you. 

So think again when your partner asks you to try something sexually and notice your initial reaction.  If you haven't already, maybe you should ask yourself some questions like what does each sex act (intercourse, anal sex, oral sex ) mean to me?  What would it mean for me to try it? How did I come to that meaning?  How do I know if I really don't like something or if I'm just afraid to try something new? Are their ways I deny myself pleasure because of beliefs other people have imposed on me?  Would I be defined by the sexual act or is that a judgment I have?

Talk about your concerns with your partner in order to reduce shame so you can grow into your sexual potential.  Being very clear about what sex means to you is the first step to having great sex and communicating it to your partner is the next step.  These two step help to create a deeper connection, intimacy and great sex.

Rapid Ejaculation and Other Sexual Concerns

Did you know that rapid ejaculation is the most common sexual problem men have?  This was determined by a recent study in the "Journal of the American Medical Association."  According to medical journalist and author, Michael Castleman, this is partially due to men getting their sex education from pornography.  Pornography portrays and emphasizes genital contact as the main sexual event.  Genitals are certainly an important part of sex, but great sex includes ALL parts of the body.

One of the perscriptions for curing rapid ejaculation is to slow down and take the focus off the penis.  When men relax by connecting to themselves, the arteries that carry blood into the penis can relax.  This is essentially what Viagra does, it relaxes those arteries.   So, before you take a pill, you might want to breath, slow down, experience your partner's body, and all of the sensations in your body first.

In his new book, "Great Sex" (A Hetrosexual Man's Guide to Confident Lovemaking), Michael Castleman addresses many important sexual questions men have.  For example, he talks about desire differences in long-term relationships and how to negotiate them, impotency after prostrate cancer, erectile dysfunction in single males, penis size, medication and more. 

You can read a comprehensive interview with Michael Castleman on this topic at
http://my.webmd.com/content/article/82/97274

Please click "comments" below to let us know your thoughts about these topics.