Partners of sex addicts almost always report feeling isolated and alone when they find out their partners have a serious sexual problem. They feel shame, hurt, angry and betrayed, often with nowhere to turn.
COSA is a fellowship of recovering men and women who are partnered with sex addicts. They extend and share their experience, strength and hope with anyone who needs help.
If you are seeking support for this problem, contact COSA by going to the following website:
With Eliot Spitzer having to step down from his position as Governor of New York in such a publically humiliating fashion, I think sex addiction has finally come out of the closet.
In this article from Christianity Today, you will see that the Christian community is availing itself more and more to the facts that this problem can strike anyone. This problem, like all addictions, does not discriminate when it comes to status, race, or religion.
Here's a quote from the article:
"A widely recognized authority, Patrick Carnes, author and executive director of the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Mississippi, estimates that 8 percent of adult men and 3 percent of adult women become sexually addicted at some point in their lives (this article will focus on the greater problem, male sexual addiction). That means roughly 12 million or more Americans may have this disorder. "
To read the entire article, go to http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/march/19.28.htm
Often sex addicts in recovery most struggle with their sexual sobriety when they are away from home on business trips, staying in hotel rooms. Leaving ones routine, home meetings, and general lack of accountability can have the addictive behaviors blind-siding a person when they least expect it.
Pay-per view in hotel rooms can be one of the biggest temptations and a battle not everyone wins, especially in early recovery.
CleanHotels.com is a network of lodging facilities that - based on some of the best research available - do not offer in-room, "adult" (pornographic) pay-per-view movies.
If you are an addict in recovery, travelling alone, you might want to take an extra step to protect yourself from slipping, check out this website:
This is by far the most intelligent article I've seen on why Eliot Spitzer qualifies as a sex addict. He was highly ritualized in his preparation for acting out and highly compartmentalized in the ways he managed his life. He was also reported to be quite "private" (i.e. isolated) having no real close friends.
Preoccupation, ritualization, social isolation and compartmentalization are all earmarks of sex addiction.
To understand more on how the brain works and how Mr. Spitzer could have proceeded with these behaviors in the face of prosecuting others who did, read this Forbes article.
http://www.forbes.com/opinions/2008/03/12/spitzer-addictive-behavior-oped-cx_dpb_0312addictive.html
This week another powerful man in our country fell from grace. But this shocking news event is not so shocking on the heels of Senator Craig and Ted Haggard's behaviors, and I don't think we'll ever forget Bill Clinton's sexual indiscretion. It seems like these events are coming faster and closer to one another as time goes on and we all shake our heads and ask "why?"
Why would someone so seemingly together with a future so bright throw it all out the window? There's no sound intellectual reason for this because we're asking, "why do smart men do such profoundly dumb things?" Entitlement, compartmentalization, and denial work in ways to shut out the intellect. Emotions run high when a person is used to being in a position of power and actually "gets off" on that power.
High risk sex like hiring prostitutes, having anonymous sex in a bathroom or having sex with an employee all create an adrenaline rush that can make a person feel euphoric and invincible. People in power positions often delude themselves into believing that they won't get caught.
These kind of sexual behaviors can lead a person to wanting more and more to the extent they forget about everything that's important to them. They are in a dissociative state so nothing matters but the experience and the "high."
We can only hope that Mr. Spitzer finds his way to getting the kind of help he needs and that his family finds some way to heal from the pain we can only imagine they are going through.
For more details on what exactly happened to Elliot Spitzer you can go to the CNN website at www.cnn.com
Here's an easy to read article on what sex addiction is and isn't and some typical behaviors. Of course, sexually addictive patterns are different for everyone. Not all sex addicts have the same motivations or engage in the same behaviors. Typically, early childhood trauma is the driving force behind the often destructive behaviors.
For more information on this topic, take a look at this article and let us know what you think by clicking the comment button below.
From February 28 - March 1, the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals gathered in Phoenix, Arizona at the Black Mountian Conference Center for their third annual symposium titled, "It's all About the Brain.
Dr. Charles Parker was the keynote speaker and he kicked off the conference talking about the importance of looking at the brain via SPECT scanning. This innovative process allows for an actual look at the sex addicts brain to better determine exactly what's going on. Often sex addicts have deficits in the brain due to early childhood attachment trauma, actual blows to the head via accident's, and/or due to excessive drug and alcohol abuse.
Dr. Patrick Carnes pioneering leader in the field of sexual addiction, is empahsizing the importance of changing the brain via intensive focus in order for the sex addict to stay sexually sober over time and to effect long-term positive change. Dr. Carnes task-centered approach is what we use at the Center for Healthy Sex when treating sex addicts.
For more on this topic, visit Dr. Parker's web blog at: http://www.corepsychblog.com
There continues to be an on-going debate as to whether or not pornography is a problem or a simple pleasure. Two members of the adult industry will debate this issue with two members of the religious right and you can tune in.
The Adult Video News Media Network, a trade publication, estimates that the porn industry earns $14 billion annually, and there are estimates that there are 4.2 million pornographic sites online with 40 million visitors daily.
On Feb. 15, "Nightline" co-anchor Martin Bashir moderates the "Nightline Face-Off: Is America Addicted to Porn?" in New Haven, Conn., during Sex Week at Yale University.
You can Start watching the debate Thursday Feb. 21 on ABCNEWS.com, plus watch the full story on "Nightline" Friday, Feb. 22 at 11:35 p.m. ET
When do gay men know when enough sex is too much? This is a very personal question and each person has to answer according to their criteria of what's healthy for them and what isn't.
In an article in Frontiers Magazine called "Once is not enough," Michael Liberatore raises the question of who defines sex addiction for the gay man.
The article states:
But as gay men, aren’t we socialized differently regarding how much sex is too much sex? If we compare ourselves to the average straight male, don’t we all seem a bit compulsive?
I think this is a very personal question and each person has to answer according to their criteria of what's healthy for them and what isn't. Gay people may be more suseptible to becoming sexually compulsive due to the stident homophobic culture they grew up in, and the impact sexual accessability has on them.
The article continues:
“It’s tricky for gay men,” explains Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, of the Center For Healthy Sex in Beverly Hills. “Anonymous sex is part of gay culture. It’s up to the individual to decide if they feel their behavior is addictive. By that, I mean are they entrenched in secrets and lies…or have they tried to curb their activities, and found it impossible? If they can’t stop—if their lives have become unmanageable, then they need to con•sider their behavior as addictive.”
To read the article, go to: http://www.frontierspublishing.com/2620/features/feat.htm
Click on the comment button below and let us know what you think about this topic.
This is a blog where sex addicts in recovery share their experience, strength and hope with one another. If you are struggling with out of control sexual behaviors, are new to recovery or have been in program for a while, you will find the honesty of this blog helpful.
Check it out at: http://www.sexaddictmeditations.blogspot.com
Let us know what you think by clicking the comment below.
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