Center for Healthy Sex website:centerforhealthysex.com

Gov. Eliot Spitzer's Sex Addiction

This is by far the most intelligent article I've seen on why Eliot Spitzer qualifies as a sex addict.  He was highly ritualized in his preparation for acting out and highly compartmentalized in the ways he managed his life.  He was also reported to be quite "private" (i.e. isolated) having no real close friends. 

Preoccupation, ritualization, social isolation and compartmentalization are all earmarks of sex addiction.

To understand more on how the brain works and how Mr. Spitzer could have proceeded with these behaviors in the face of prosecuting others who did, read this Forbes article.

http://www.forbes.com/opinions/2008/03/12/spitzer-addictive-behavior-oped-cx_dpb_0312addictive.html

Eliot Spitzer

This week another powerful man in our country fell from grace.  But this shocking news event is not so shocking on the heels of Senator Craig and Ted Haggard's behaviors, and I don't think we'll ever forget Bill Clinton's sexual indiscretion. It seems like these events are coming faster and closer to one another as time goes on and we all shake our heads and ask "why?" 

Why would someone so seemingly together with a future so bright throw it all out the window?   There's no sound intellectual reason for this because we're asking, "why do smart men do such profoundly dumb things?"  Entitlement, compartmentalization, and denial work in ways to shut out the intellect.  Emotions run high when a person is used to being in a position of power and actually "gets off" on that power.

High risk sex like hiring prostitutes, having anonymous sex in a bathroom or having sex with an employee all create an adrenaline rush that can make a person feel euphoric and invincible.  People in power positions often delude themselves into believing that they won't get caught.

These kind of sexual behaviors can lead a person to wanting more and more to the extent they forget about everything that's important to them.  They are in a dissociative state so nothing matters but the experience and the "high."

We can only hope that Mr. Spitzer finds his way to getting the kind of help he needs and that his family finds some way to heal from the pain we can only imagine they are going through.

For more details on what exactly happened to Elliot Spitzer you can go to the CNN website at www.cnn.com

Sex addiction and its related behaviors

Here's an easy to read article on what sex addiction is and isn't and some typical behaviors.  Of course, sexually addictive patterns are different for everyone.  Not all sex addicts have the same motivations or engage in the same behaviors.  Typically, early childhood trauma is the driving force behind the often destructive behaviors.

For more information on this topic, take a look at this article and let us know what you think by clicking the comment button below.

http://www.health.propeller.com/story/2008/01/20/sexual-addiction-and-its-related-behavioral-patterns

The brain and sex addiction

From February 28 - March 1, the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals gathered in Phoenix, Arizona at the Black Mountian Conference Center for their third annual symposium titled, "It's all About the Brain.

Dr. Charles Parker was the keynote speaker and he kicked off the conference talking about the importance of looking at the brain via SPECT scanning.  This innovative process allows for an actual look at the sex addicts brain to better determine exactly what's going on.  Often sex addicts have deficits in the brain due to early childhood attachment trauma, actual blows to the head via accident's, and/or due to excessive drug and alcohol abuse. 

Dr. Patrick Carnes pioneering leader in the field of sexual addiction, is empahsizing the importance of changing the brain via intensive focus in order for the sex addict to stay sexually sober over time and to effect long-term positive change.  Dr. Carnes task-centered approach is what we use at the Center for Healthy Sex when treating sex addicts.

For more on this topic, visit Dr. Parker's web blog at: http://www.corepsychblog.com

Male survivors of sexual abuse

I have written about this organization before and because I think their work is so important, I am posting their information again.  Male Survivors state: "We are commited to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism."

For more information about their retreats, how you can support their work and to learn more about this topic, visit their website at: http://www.malesurvivor.org

Internet, porn and cybersex addictions

Moderation is a difficult aspiration in our culture of excess.  We hear stories daily of people loosing their families, jobs, homes, relationships, etc. due to excesses they have engaged in.  Likewise, contentment is highly underrated and "getting ahead" is held up as the American dream, even though American's are more stressed then ever.  The article below talks about the pitfalls of too much of a good thing, namely the Internet.  It says:

"The Internet is a wonderful tool for communication. However, it can become an escape from reality that has the appearance of safety, intimacy and anonymity. Use of the Internet for games, gambling, messages, porn or cybersex can become as addictive as any other drug."

To read the rest of this article, go to http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm

Is American addicted to porn?

There continues to be an on-going debate as to whether or not pornography is a problem or a simple pleasure.  Two members of the adult industry will debate this issue with two members of the religious right and you can tune in.

The Adult Video News Media Network, a trade publication, estimates that the porn industry earns $14 billion annually, and there are estimates that there are 4.2 million pornographic sites online with 40 million visitors daily.

On Feb. 15, "Nightline" co-anchor Martin Bashir moderates the "Nightline Face-Off: Is America Addicted to Porn?" in New Haven, Conn., during Sex Week at Yale University.

You can Start watching the debate Thursday Feb. 21 on ABCNEWS.com, plus watch the full story on "Nightline" Friday, Feb. 22 at 11:35 p.m. ET

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4245514&page=1

From "stud" to addict status

When do gay men know when enough sex is too much?  This is a very personal question and each person has to answer according to their criteria of what's healthy for them and what isn't. 

In an article in Frontiers Magazine called "Once is not enough," Michael Liberatore raises the question of who defines sex addiction for the gay man. 

The article states:

But as gay men, aren’t we socialized differently regarding how much sex is too much sex?  If we compare ourselves to the average straight male, don’t we all seem a bit compulsive?

I think this is a very personal question and each person has to answer according to their criteria of what's healthy for them and what isn't.  Gay people may be more suseptible to becoming sexually compulsive due to the stident homophobic culture they grew up in, and the impact sexual accessability has on them.

The article continues:

“It’s tricky for gay men,” explains Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, of the Center For Healthy Sex in Beverly Hills. “Anonymous sex is part of gay culture. It’s up to the individual to decide if they feel their behavior is addictive. By that, I mean are they entrenched in secrets and lies…or have they tried to curb their activities, and found it impossible? If they can’t stop—if their lives have become unmanageable, then they need to con•sider their behavior as addictive.”

To read the article, go to: http://www.frontierspublishing.com/2620/features/feat.htm

Click on the comment button below and let us know what you think about this topic.

Experience, strength and hope

This is a blog where sex addicts in recovery share their experience, strength and hope with one another.  If you are struggling with out of control sexual behaviors, are new to recovery or have been in program for a while, you will find the honesty of this blog helpful.

Check it out at: http://www.sexaddictmeditations.blogspot.com

Let us know what you think by clicking the comment below.

Unmanagability

There are a lot of "functioning" addicts out there, whatever that means!  People who are highly compartmentalized can "function" in life.  That means, they can fool their partners, their bosses, and even themselves, for awhile.  Eventually though, the addiction always catches up with them.

In the tradition of the 12-steps "unmanagability" really means "messes."    People who are involved in any kind of addiction will always have some mess in their lives because they favor the addictive behaviors over taking care of their needs and their responsabilities.  These messes are a result of the addiction and are considered evidence for how the addict's life has become unmanagable.

Unmanagability can range from being chronically late to work, not being fully present with your kids, getting caught in lies, loosing a job, getting arrested, feeling like a fraud, drifting apart from your friends and family, giving up hobbies, missing opportunities, etc.  The list goes on and on.

If you care to share any moments of unmanagability due to your addiction, we would love to hear from you.  Please click the comment button below.